When I was thirteen I thought my mom was a most embarrassing person. Not to mention clueless and lacking in style. There may have been moments when I enjoyed her company, but in general, I was a disagreeable know-it-all with my mom. An ungrateful daughter who kept her room a mess and wanted more money and new clothes and rides to see her friends.
No one could be more surprised than I am to be over fifty and to enjoy being with my mom now.
My mom just left a few days ago after being at my house for over three weeks. She kept me company and made sure I got as much TLC as possible after my surgery. Many of you got her email updates about me from her Blackberry.
No one could be more surprised than I am to be proud of my mom's technical savvy and general level of cool. Few people at 78 regularly send pictures and emails from their Blackberry. Fewer still are only recently retired, living in loft apartments, and driving cream colored convertible VW Beetles.
It's not like she's annoyingly trying to be young. Her loft in an old factory building is not Dwell magazine modern, but loft meets Williamsburg.
I think my mom is happier with her life now than when I was thirteen. I know she lives her life more on her own terms than she used to.
When she came to visit me, she decided to take Amtrak from Minnesota to Philadelphia instead of a plane. She used the excuse of not wanting to risk leaving her Beetle in long-term parking and having it be snowed in. I think she really wanted the adventure, however, of getting a sleeper car and traveling the way she remembered taking trips as a kid.
The way she described the food in the dining car, her sleeper compartment and her adventure made me want to try overnight train travel sometime myself.
Back in the 1960's few women had careers. My mom might have preferred being a career woman to having a house and four kids. She went back to work when I was twenty, and my youngest brother was ten, and kept working until last year.
A few years ago, she surprised me by telling me about a memo she had written and a meeting she had set up to encourage some changes where she was working, saying, "Dr. Phil says you have to strike at the right time to make a difference." She was offered more responsibility and a promotion for her efforts. Who thinks of career advancement as an enjoyable idea when they are over seventy?
And who thinks about it so much on their own terms? She told them she was interested, but still wanted to be able to travel to see her kids and to make use of her season matinee tickets to the symphony.
I'm proud of my mom in a way I wasn't when I was younger.
August 1959
She always painted or did quilting and sewing projects. I now know that influenced me to view being creative as an important part of life.
Detail of painting on board. Circa 1965
My mom totally rose to the occasion when she was staying here. The first time she saw my arm bandage being changed she had to go sit down in another room and put her head between her legs so she wouldn't faint. Soon she was changing my arm bandage so I didn't have to have a home health worker out to do it.
She made Marc great dinners and took care of laundry. She bought our groceries and helped out however she could. She was always on the look out for new foods I might be able to try. She also kept an eye out for books and magazines.
Once when we were at a Target we checked out in different aisles. She saw the new Vanity Fair with Lady Gaga on the cover and knew I would love it so she bought it. Meanwhile, three aisles over, I had picked up the same issue. She was so aware of what I might like we learned to double check with each other to avoid duplicates.
My mom loves flowers and gardening. She has given me a Longwood Gardens membership the past few years for Christmas. My Longwood pics in this post are in colors I thought she might like.
I can still be a know-it-all with my mom. At least I know enough now to know she's great and to be grateful.
Thanks for everything Mom! Happy Birthday! I love you!
Happy Birthday, Barbara! Lisa, you sure know how to make a girl cry. You two are a special pair, and I'm grateful, so grateful, that you have each other.
Posted by: Annie B. | 12/18/2010 at 04:47 PM
Happy Birthday, Barbara! Your baby girl is quite the remarkable woman, but that is no small wonder since we have come to know you these past many months. (By the way, gorgeous legs!!) We know your special TLC has made a huge difference. With love and admiration,
Sandy
Posted by: Sandy Jelm | 12/19/2010 at 01:11 AM
Lisa,
I just dug a tea-stained, wrinkled Tribune article from the garbage. I saved it show to
my headstrong Nina. There is a particular
quote that is from the mom of a woman who just
lost a valiant battle with ALS.
"When Anne Marie was a little girl, she
was so stubborn and headstrong," and "People told me you are not going to like it now, but you're going to love it when she's grown up." " I look
at her now and she is such a fighter."
Thank God for stubborn little girls that grow up into brave, strong woman! Lisa you are wonderful!! Love, Jan
Posted by: Jan Hofmeister | 12/19/2010 at 01:51 PM
p.s. Happy belated birthday Barbara!
Posted by: Jan Hofmeister | 12/19/2010 at 01:55 PM
Lisa, Sweetie:
This is the loveliest birthday "card" I've ever received. Thank you!
And thank you, too, for not showing the picture of my messy desk.
Love,
Mother
Posted by: Barbara Eldridge | 12/19/2010 at 02:33 PM
Lisa,
We are very proud of you - you have the courage to
forge ahead into the future with much grace.
We know this is a very hard time for you, Marc and your wonderful children.
You all have been part of our family for years
connected through your dad and uncle Jim.
Also, a belated happy birthday to your mom.
We still eat your pancake mix from Red Wing. Our
Lisa and family loves it too!
Bruce (boop), Gloria McConnell and family
The Chicago connection......
Posted by: Gloria McConnell | 12/20/2010 at 10:43 AM
Happy Belated Birthday, Barbara! It was so wonderful to spend time with both you and Lisa. Everything Lisa says about you is true--you thoughtfulness in knowing just what Lisa needs or would want and willingness to take on any task that is helpful. And for someone 78 years old, boy, you have a lot of get up and go. I ran to keep up!
Posted by: Connie Cross | 12/21/2010 at 09:30 AM
Thank you all so much.
Jan, I'm doing my best to be a fighter! xoxo
Gloria, I am amazed that you have read my blog. Thanks for your support! I still remember meeting Bruce's mother and enjoying talking with her when she was 101! My best to you and your family in Pfield!
Posted by: Lisa D | 12/26/2010 at 11:38 PM