As of her last post about a month ago, my mom was considering whether or not she should undergo chemotherapy. After radiation therapies and multiple surgeries had failed, chemotherapy stood as the only remaining medical option that could possibly hinder the cancer's growth. Unfortunately though, considering the rapaciousness of her disease, the failure of her previous treatments, and the limitations of current drug therapies for her particular type of cancer, chemotherapy really didn't have much to offer. It maybe could have bought Mom another month or two, but at the price of harmful side-effects and a lower quality of life, my mom opted to forego chemotherapy. As she has stated all along, she doesn't want to be alive if she can't live.
My mom's inherent need for independence--the same desire that led to her ultimate decision about chemotherapy--is primarily why it is so heartbreaking to see her in her current condition. She is extremely frail, her eyes are swollen shut, and she can no longer communicate beyond a nod or shake of the head, a simple hand guesture, or a short written word. Since her last post, her health has deteriorated rapidly. Her prognosis shrank from six months to live to a maximum of just six weeks. A large tumor has completely overtaken the left half of her neck. It has been extremely difficult witnessing such a beautiful woman become victim to such a terrible disease. As of now she remains at home per her request. My dad and I are taking care of her, and a hospice nurse visits daily. Natalie has been home each weekend--Mom is trying to hold out until she finishes school in two weeks.
In the last few weeks, family members have come to say their final goodbyes. Our neighbors have rallied together to provide us dinner each night, which has been incredibly helpful as relatives come and go and our family focuses on other things (thank you Joan Smith for organizing that initiative). The amount of love and support shown to our family by friends, relatives, and strangers alike has been truly remarkable and humbling.
Together with her close friends, my mom has worked out the arrangement for her memorial service. I believe that being able to plan the service has provided her with an additional sense of peace, although she admitted that it was difficult and a bit weird. Whenever the memorial takes place (likely in May), it will be held at the Unitarian Universalist Society church in Geneva, IL.
I will be publishing my mom's entire blog (including pictures) into a book, and I'll post details on that soon.
We can't ever thank all of you enough for your love and support.
Thank you, Ran, for the beautiful, rare orchid.
Best,
Matthew
Matthew, thank you for your sensitive and deeply thoughtful post. Your mom has been on my mind a great deal. I never met your mom but am one of the many people who have been inspired by her blog. (A neighbor introduced me to it.) You and your family will never know the full extent to which your beautiful (in body and spirit) mother has reached and affected the lives of untold others. Her graciousness under extremely challenging circumstances is such an inspiration.
I wish for your mom and your whole family peace, and hope that knowing some part of the extent to which your mother has spread her appreciation of life is of some comfort to you.
Joan Ellis
Berwyn, PA
Posted by: Joan Ellis | 04/20/2011 at 07:13 PM
Dear Matthew and Family,
Bless you Matthew for being there to help take care of your mom, and for posting what must have been a very difficult blog. Your mom is one of the most beautiful people I've ever known, and I can't imagine how hard it is for you to see her struggling now. I know your mom ~ and everyone else ~ is so thankful that you are able to be there at this time. I hope you, Natalie and your dad know that you have an everlasting group of friends here that you can call on for anything at any time. Your whole family is so dearly loved.
Jenny Scott
P.S. Please give your mom a hug and kiss for me.
P.S.S. I'm so happy to hear that you will be turning your mom's blog into a book. She is so talented, and her writings, artwork and photographs have meant so much to all of us.
Posted by: Jenny Scott | 04/20/2011 at 08:43 PM
Matthew,
The grace and courage that your entire family continues to display leaves me in awe. What a beautiful idea to turn your Mom’s blog into a book that I’m sure will inspire even more people than it has to date. Thank you for sharing these personal times with us…reminding each of us of your Mom’s selflessness. We are truly blessed for having the opportunity to spend a part of our lives with each of you.
Please give your Mom a hug from us and tell her that we are praying for her comfort and serenity.
Much love,
Patty, Gregg, Aubrey & Matt
Posted by: Patty | 04/20/2011 at 10:06 PM
Matthew,
Thank you for writing this blog. Your heart felt words are beautiful. It is very sad to know how difficult things are for your mom, but it is comforting to know she is surrounded by her loving family. Please give Lisa a gentle hug from me and a promise to love her forever. Jan
Posted by: Jan Hofmeister | 04/21/2011 at 12:23 AM
Tell her we love her. We love you all. Marybess
Posted by: Marybessdg | 04/21/2011 at 01:03 PM
Matthew, thank you so much for posting. You have your mom's gift with words. I can't imagine what it must be like seeing your mom like that, but I'm so glad you, Natalie, and your dad are with her, taking care of her, loving her, and spending these last moments with her. We love you all.
Posted by: Ann | 04/21/2011 at 01:26 PM
Matthew, thank you so much for this post, which I'm sure was very hard to write; but you know how loved Lisa is, and each reader - be it friend, family or 'stranger' - can't help but focus on sending more love and comforting thoughts her way as we read your words. You show in your writing the strength, sensitivity and grace Lisa has lived by. I know Natalie has those same qualities. Your being there is such a gift to both your parents. I'm so grateful that you plan to make a book of this beautiful blog. Sending another gentle hug and all my love to your mom. Love, Sarah
Posted by: Sarah Mills | 04/21/2011 at 04:40 PM
Love, only love.
I carry Lisa with me always and she makes me a better person.
Virginia
Posted by: Virginia | 04/21/2011 at 07:38 PM
Matthew and family,
Thank-you for writing a difficult post and letting us know how your Mom is doing. She has fought a very hard and difficult battle and I know the strength and love her family and friends have shown to her has carried her through and brought her strength. May you know that our thoughts and prayers are with your Mom and your family.
Laura Moore and Sara Franze
Posted by: Laura Moore | 04/21/2011 at 09:30 PM
Dear Matthew:
Thank you for your thoughtful post for your mother. Thank Ran for the lovely orchid. Lisa has an incredible gift for making our lives better, more beautiful, and rich in purpose. That gift will live after her.
Love to you, Natalie, & Marc
Baba
Posted by: Barbara Eldridge | 04/21/2011 at 11:01 PM
Dear Matthew,
I have read your recent post twice now with my vision blurred by tears. I love your mom and send love to all of you. I have a storehouse of memories of fun visits with all of you. Love, Jo
Posted by: Joan Janak | 04/22/2011 at 08:37 AM
Thank you, Matthew. Your mom is in our thoughts and prayers - as are you and Natalie and your dad. We're not looking forward to the memorial service, but if it seems appropriate, please let your mom know that we have her instructions and wishes and will do all that is humanly possible to honor all of them.
Lisa is remembered by many here at the Unitarian Universalist Society with much affection, respect, admiration and love.
Peace and blessings to you all ~
UUSG
Posted by: Lindsay Bates | 04/22/2011 at 11:44 AM
Matthew, I met you last night under difficult circumstances. You are such a quiet strenth to your Mom and family. I have been encouraged by your mom's courage and bravery in the midst of adversity and unbelievable circumstances. As an oncology nurse, I have seen alot of patients with cancer. Your mom has lived her life and cancer with grace and dignity, and I admire her so much. She has left you with her deepest thoughts and challenges in her blog.I know you are proud of her and her accomplishments, but most of all, I know you are proud of the fight she has fought, as your mom.
Posted by: Dana Darnell | 04/22/2011 at 08:42 PM
As tears of sadness fall down my face for all of your family's suffering's, I am humbled by your's and your mom's strength and courage to face what the future holds. I am gently reminded (as it is the Easter weekend) what our Lord and Savior has done for us and how we will be welcomed with loving and comforting arms into His home when it is our time to end our life here and wake up to Jesus' face. Please know that you and your family are ALWAYS in our prayers...we pray that God gives you all strength, peace, acceptance and continued grace.
Posted by: Sue Braunsky | 04/23/2011 at 06:11 PM
Mark,Matthew and Natalie,
How often does a marathon runner/finisher bring flowers the next day to her curbside support? Never, of course, unless you are Lisa. Gracious, kind, fun, creative, good cook, calm are just a few words that come to mind when I think of your mom. Next to my computer I keep my miscellaneous stuff in a worn wood box on which your mom painted whimsical birds. It is from one her many art "periods" while you lived in Red Wing. I have and will always treasure it. My sincere thoughts of comfort and peace to you all.
Posted by: nancy gillmer | 04/23/2011 at 07:28 PM
Mark, Matthew and Natalie,
This past week I was remembering traveling to Peoria with my Matthew, Lisa and Matthew to hear . . . was it Incubus? I also remember Lisa calling me up because she just had to share something with me. She came right over with homemade California rolls.
Her energy, her art, her passion for words and all that is beautiful in this world, touch me daily.
Bless all of you!
Always.
Posted by: Kathy Morgan | 04/26/2011 at 07:35 AM
Mark and Family, I have said this before but I'll say it again, Lisa has taught me, by example, how to live well and how to die well. To me, that is the ultimate gift of selflessness, truth and love. I will remember - always.
My sadness and heartache for you all is sometimes eased by something I shared with Mark. Eventually, we all go home. I believe our souls inhabit our bodies for this experience called Life - to share, learn, evolve and even feel pain. None of us ever want to leave. The soul decides when its work is done no matter how much we beg and plead for just a little more time. It's never enough time. Now you are at the time of knowing. Knowing that your job is to let that tired soul go home with beauty, love and honor. Until you meet again.
We wish you continuing strength, faith and love.
Cheryl & Geoff
Posted by: Cheryl and Geoff Grant | 04/26/2011 at 01:05 PM
Marc, Matthew and Natalie,
You never lose the people you love, even to death. Lisa will continue to participate in every act, thought and decision you make. Her love will leave an indelible imprint in your memories and
you will be able to find comfort in knowing that your lives have been enriched
by having shared her love.
Posted by: Dorrie Lee | 04/27/2011 at 09:48 AM
Lisa:
May you have the grandest gossamer wings and soar to the highest heights once you are free of this earthbound body, because you, Lisa, deserve to be the most beautiful angel ever!! We will cherish your wonderfully written words and fantastic photos always; thank you for those.
With love from all of us, Sherry, Alex & Torrie
Posted by: Sherry Wert | 04/28/2011 at 10:33 PM
May you rest in peace Lisa free from pain. You have lived your life fully to the end and shared with us your beauty and grace through your art, words and life. You have left a wonderful legacy with your children who will carry the lessons you have taught them throughout their lives.
Laura Moore and Sara Franze
Posted by: Laura Moore | 04/30/2011 at 05:28 PM
My heart and my soul reach out to your family. I worked for Marc at NRC Region I, and have so much admiration and respect for him as a professional and a person. I have been following his dear wife's blog as she has bravely faced this ordeal, and have been continually amazed, encouraged, and moved by the strength she has exhibited. I only had the opportunity to meet her on a few occassions, and never really spoke more than a hello. But, I felt as though I grew to know her so well through her writing. She is truly a woman of beauty and grace. An amazing talent. Your family has endured much this past year. I wish you all peace.
Posted by: Marjey mcLaughlin | 05/02/2011 at 09:59 AM
Dear Marc, Matthew, & Natalie:
Ann did a lovely post honoring Lisa on House of Estrogen.
Love,
Barbara/Baba
Posted by: Barbara Eldridge | 05/02/2011 at 10:44 PM
I was so sorry to hear of Lisa's passing. And having read some of this blog am very sad that I never got to know her. I know how it is to watch a mother slowly pass, as I watched mine go through Alzheimer's before she passed in September.
From what I have read here, your whole family are very loving & strong & Lisa was blessed to have you by her side the last few weeks.
Sending you all much peace & comfort during these trying days. (Marc & I are I think 3ed cousins on the Settle side.)
Jo Lynne Settle Sprouse
Posted by: Jo Sprouse | 05/03/2011 at 04:52 PM
Marc, Mathew, Natalie,
Keep strong as Lisa would want you to be.
There are reasons that we are put on this
earth and reasons why we must leave.
Our prayers are with all of you.
Bruce and Gloria McConnell
Posted by: Gloria McConnell | 05/04/2011 at 10:50 AM
Lisa, may you rest in peace. I'm sorry we never got to talk, your blog really helped me though. Thank you.
Posted by: Sam N | 05/04/2011 at 11:33 AM