Final Days

  

As of her last post about a month ago, my mom was considering whether or not she should undergo chemotherapy. After radiation therapies and multiple surgeries had failed, chemotherapy stood as the only remaining medical option that could possibly hinder the cancer's growth. Unfortunately though, considering the rapaciousness of her disease, the failure of her previous treatments, and the limitations of current drug therapies for her particular type of cancer, chemotherapy really didn't have much to offer. It maybe could have bought Mom another month or two, but at the price of harmful side-effects and a lower quality of life, my mom opted to forego chemotherapy. As she has stated all along, she doesn't want to be alive if she can't live.

My mom's inherent need for independence--the same desire that led to her ultimate decision about chemotherapy--is primarily why it is so heartbreaking to see her in her current condition. She is extremely frail, her eyes are swollen shut, and she can no longer communicate beyond a nod or shake of the head, a simple hand guesture, or a short written word. Since her last post, her health has deteriorated rapidly. Her prognosis shrank from six months to live to a maximum of just six weeks. A large tumor has completely overtaken the left half of her neck. It has been extremely difficult witnessing such a beautiful woman become victim to such a terrible disease. As of now she remains at home per her request. My dad and I are taking care of her, and a hospice nurse visits daily. Natalie has been home each weekend--Mom is trying to hold out until she finishes school in two weeks.

In the last few weeks, family members have come to say their final goodbyes. Our neighbors have rallied together to provide us dinner each night, which has been incredibly helpful as relatives come and go and our family focuses on other things (thank you Joan Smith for organizing that initiative). The amount of love and support shown to our family by friends, relatives, and strangers alike has been truly remarkable and humbling.

Together with her close friends, my mom has worked out the arrangement for her memorial service. I believe that being able to plan the service has provided her with an additional sense of peace, although she admitted that it was difficult and a bit weird. Whenever the memorial takes place (likely in May), it will be held at the Unitarian Universalist Society church in Geneva, IL.

I will be publishing my mom's entire blog (including pictures) into a book, and I'll post details on that soon.

We can't ever thank all of you enough for your love and support.

 

Thank you, Ran, for the beautiful, rare orchid.

 

Best,

Matthew

Comments

[kathryn hubbard]

We just learned of your wife and mother's passing tonight. Words cannot express our sorrow to you. Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers as you struggle through the loss of a most beautiful soul. We know how much she loved you.

Kathy and Bob Hubbard

[Sandra Jahnle]

Dear Marc, Matthew and Natalie,
Please know that you are in my prayers. I enjoyed the few conversations your mom and I shared at JHU bball games, and am inspired by the beauty of her words and photography in her blog.
Love, Sandra Jahnle (Alberici)

[Cha Marziale]

We are so sorry about the passing of your mom. May she rest in peace and may you and your family find peace in knowing that your mom is no longer in pain.

The Marziale Family

[Joanna Burnett]

I was a neighbor that moved away from the area several years ago and just re-found your Mom's blog. Lisa is such a wondeful person and has fought the battle with such courage and dignity. I am a lucky person to have known her and I send my love.

[Emily]

I found this blog soon after my own diagnosis of tongue cancer and was helped by hearing about your mom's journey, thoughts, prayers, trails and hopes. Thank you for posting these blogs-- I do hope you will make a book of them because they can help a lot of newly diagnosed, scared people.Her story and focus on the beautiful things will surely lift us all. God bless your family
as you walk thru the days of missing her..... Emily